"What is above knows what is below, but what is below does not know what is above."

It took no time at all for me to lose the serenity and peace that I found last week.  I'm working to re-kindle it but have lost my enthusiasm for doing so.  The spontaneity, excitement and adventure of last week have a cost and I'm paying it.  My feelings of defeat and exhaustion today are incredibly powerful.  I want to get back in the car and find somewhere to go where I can bury it all, but that's avoidance rather than responsibility.

I am the oldest of four children in my family and I have the personality of my birth order position.  I'm a conscientious perfectionist who has a strong need for approval.  My devotion to responsibility becomes obsession at times.  I want to do everything correctly.  I don't want to give anyone a reason to find fault with me.  I know that it's not possible, but that doesn't stop me from striving for it anyway.  That constant drive to handle it all exhausts me, especially when I encounter people whose actions and words cause me believe they are out to make sure I do not succeed.

I've told you before I don't set goals because setting them and not reaching them screams failure to me.  As Ed Harris's character said in Apollo 13, "Failure is not an option."  I realize I'm not trying to land on the moon or figure out how to get a crippled spacecraft back to earth safely, but I still do not allow myself to fail.  I should work on that...allowing myself to fail.  I don't forgive myself for much.  I know that both the failure thing and the forgiveness thing set me up to be constantly frustrated.  Changing that behavior and those thought processes however are my Everest.

I imagine everyone has one thing in their life that seems insurmountable...I call that my Everest.  I think life evolves and shapes people too much every day for your Everest to stay the same for your entire life.  I'm also quite certain you can have more than one Everest at a time.  I have a couple of Everests right now, but I think the second will be more easily tackled if I can climb the first.

I'm a huge fan of quotes and sayings that are thought provoking.  I read several quote sites each day looking for inspiration and wisdom.  The quote that titles this post is a portion of a quote I found by Rene Daumal.  I also found the following quote by Greg Child that I thought was appropriate for this post, "Somewhere between the bottom of the climb and the summit is the answer to the mystery why we climb."  Climbing my Everest is part of my journey.  What's your Everest?