The Green Eyed Monster

If I were to identify something that I struggling with daily it would be envy.  It is not my only struggle but it is my constant struggle.  In an article that I found online author Joseph Epstein is writing about the seven deadly sins and he has this to say about envy:

"Surely it is the one that people are least likely to want to own up to, for to do so is to admit that one is probably ungenerous, mean, small-hearted."

I agree completely!  To admit that I envy those around me makes me seem ungrateful for what I have or what I am and I certainly don't want that to be the case.  I am grateful.  I know that I am blessed in many areas of my life.  Yet when I step back and look at my life as compared to the lives of others, the green eyed monster flares inside.  Epstein also writes:

Is envy a "feeling," an "emotion," a "sin," a "temperamental disposition," or a "world-view"? Might it also be a Rorschach test: Tell what you envy, and you reveal a great deal about yourself. It can be all of these things--and more. No one would doubt that, whatever else it is, envy is certainly a charged, indeed a supercharged, word: One of the few words left in the English language that retains the power to scandalize. Most of us could still sleep decently if accused of any of the other six deadly sins; but to be accused of envy would be seriously distressing, so clearly does such an accusation go directly to character. The other deadly sins, though all have the disapproval of religion, do not so thoroughly, so deeply demean, diminish, and disqualify a person. Not the least of its stigmata is the pettiness implicit in envy.

What I hope is that you were unaware of this struggle until you read this post, because that would suggest to me that I am able to overcome the depth of these emotions and not allow them to effect my relationships with those around me.  I am not comfortable revealing what it is that I covet.  I realize will cause you to speculate on your own.  I'm willing to weather the speculation to keep that to myself.  I'd like to ask however that you join my prayers.

I pray daily that God give me the strength and confidence not to envy those around me.  I pray that He strengthens my character and improves my vision so that the things I covet move out of my line of sight so that I might see Him more clearly.  I also pray that God helps me be kind to myself throughout my struggle.  I am incredibly unforgiving of my flaws.  I do not allow myself room for error or grace for the times that I falter.  I pray I can better acknowledge His grace as I attempt to work through this struggle.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Epstein, J. (2003).  "The green-eyed monster: Envy is nothing to be jealous of." Retreived November 5, 2012 from http://www.washingtonmonthly.com/features/2003/0307.epstein.html.