God's Timing

If you've read my facebook posts, you may have seen my post on Sunday mentioning that I am in awe of God's perfect timing. I don't begin to pretend that I know enough about God and His nature to fully understand His timing. What I do know is that the events of my life in the last few months would not have been possible without His mighty hand covering, holding and at times carrying me along.

I grew up being very involved in church. I was raised in the Church of Christ and until a few years ago was a very involved member of congregations around me. That changed a few years ago. When I moved from Tulsa to Stillwater in 2004 I began attending the Church of Christ there. It wasn't a terribly comfortable fit for me, but it was pretty well the only Church of Christ in town. I attended faithfully for several months and placed membership, in hopes that I could find my place in that body of believers. There was not a Bible class for me to attend. It was either the college class or the young families class. Neither was a group where I felt comfortable or accepted, but I kept trying. I was then told about a congregation in Edmond that had a large young professionals population. I began driving to Edmond on Sundays and Wednesdays so that I could connect with Christians that were my age and in my station in life. I did that for several months until fuel prices got too high for me to be able to afford multiple trips each week. At that time I returned to the Church of Christ in Stillwater.

Aside from not feeling terribly comfortable there, I had heard various comments that were hurtful. When people found out I was single (and in my late twenties) the response was everything from an apology for what they perceived as an unfulfilled life or accusatory that I had done something that would cause God to not allow me to have a spouse. Either response was hurtful, both were very common. In my return to that church I filled out a membership card as I had always done in the past. No one had called me in my time away to ask what was going on, or why I had left. I didn't have a close enough relationship with anyone to tell them why I was gone. After my second week back I received a phone call from an elder's wife. She told me that she had seen my card and that in order for me to be allowed to return I would need to make a confession. I had nothing to confess and I was furious at the accusation. She made it very clear, in no uncertain terms, that I would not be welcomed as a member of the congregation until I had made a full confession. That was the last time I attended a Church of Christ on my own. I did not offer any explanation to her about my absence or reasoning. I simply told her I had nothing to say and ended the conversation. I have not returned to a Church of Christ since.

I began attending a Christian church with a friend shortly after that debacle and attended off and on there for the last few years. That congregation has approximately 1,100 members. I was a number. I went sporadically, but wasn't faithful about attendance. I developed a habit of coming in and leaving without speaking to anyone. No one talked to me or introduced themselves to me when I stuck around to give them the opportunity, so I stopped giving them the opportunity. To be fair, I am not at all assertive when it comes to introducing myself to people, so some of the fault was mine.

When I started my personal journey to turn things upside down and change my life in dramatic ways, one of my goals was to find a church, wherever I landed, that fit my beliefs and where I could be an active member. When I found out that I would be moving to Enid the first thing I did was a web search. I knew I wanted to get back to my Church of Christ roots, so that's where I started. I read their websites and bulletins and listened to sermons. I chose to contact North Garland Church of Christ before moving so that I could make a connection.

For the last three weeks I've attended services at North Garland and heard exactly the things I needed to hear. The lessons feel as though they are tailored to me and my circumstance. That's what I mean by being in awe of God's timing. It really hit me Sunday night as the preacher was finishing up the lesson. Again, it was one that I needed to hear and that had personal application to my life. I haven't been to church on a Sunday night in probably close to ten years. What I can only assume is God's guiding hand coaxed me to attend that evening. I followed that up with attending Bible class tonight and had the same experience. That feeling that I was in the right place at the right time and heard the right message was overwhelming.

Tonight's class was a discussion about God's love. There were two statements made by members of the class that have stuck with me and go handily with my approach to life as a journey. One is that love is "a recognition and reflection of the nature of God in His creation." Recognizing the nature of God in ourselves and in others is reflected in our love. The second is that loving is a journey. It's a process. Love matures and changes over time. There is not an end to love. It is not a skill that you learn, it is a journey in which you participate.

The only thing I would have added to the conversation this evening is that God's love is healing. Allowing Him to embrace me and embracing Him in return has a healing power not found anywhere else. My journey to be a better me, includes a spiritual journey. I am compelled to be an active participant in God's love, to allow His healing power to work in me and His guiding hand to lead me. God's love is just another part of my journey.