Integral Interviews

Interviewing is an integral part of getting a job.  My brain knows and accepts this, but it doesn't stop my heart and emotions from going all out of whack when it comes to interviewing.  This past Saturday I went to a job fair in Little Rock, AR.  My mom made the trip with me and I was very glad for that, because if she hadn't gone with me I probably would have chickened out and not attended the event.  I got some good information while I was there and made some contacts that will be helpful in my search, but that was after I controlled my breathing, sucked up the tears falling from anxiety and fear and made myself walk through the door.

I don't remember ever really being a person who does a lot of self talk.  I might repeat something over and over that I want to remember, or I might scold myself if I've made a mistake or been a klutz but self pep talks aren't something I do very often.  In fact until I started this job search I can count on one hand the number of times that I pepped myself up with an internal conversation.  That's exactly what I found myself doing on Saturday though.  With every step I took toward the door I said something in my head to encourage myself to do this.  I know a lot about my job and I can do my job well.  I'm just not good at convincing others of that in a twenty minute, first impression meeting.

Tomorrow I have a Skype interview with an elementary school in Utah and tonight when checking my e-mail I found a request for an interview from a school in Washington, DC.  I have some paperwork to fill out for DC before I contact them about an interview time, but they are interested in talking to me in the next couple of days.  I'm also hoping to get an interview from a job that I applied for here in Oklahoma.  All of them are exciting and interesting opportunities...I just need to find the right one.

I haven't been nervous yet about not having a job right now.  If I'm still unemployed in July that may be a different story, but right now I know that the right opportunity is out there, I just have to find the one that fits me.

Roots and Wings

I suppose you could say I'm back to my roots.  Tonight I'm in "The Natural State."  I was born here.  In Searcy actually, about an hour up the road from where I am right now.  I'm here to attend an Educators' Career Fair tomorrow morning.  Hopefully my time tomorrow will open more doors and opportunities.  At the very least I know I will learn a little something about myself, which is all a part of the journey, right?  

I told my grandparents today that I tend to have a lot of anxiety when it comes to meeting new people and marketing myself for the purposes of getting a job.  I've been trying to ease into interviewing, knowing that I had this anxiety.  That's part of my one-a-day goal...if I could get comfortable with applying, I could get comfortable with interviewing.  That was the theory at least.  I suppose tomorrow will be the first real test of that theory.

As I mentioned I have a lot of roots in this state.  I lived in Batesville (north central Arkansas) for the first four years of my life.  I spent four and a half years getting my Bachelor's degree from Harding University in Searcy.  I briefly lived in Rogers just after getting my bachelor's where I taught kindergarten for a semester.  Beyond my various residences, there's my family.  In the NW Arkansas area I have an aunt and uncle in Springdale, a cousin, her husband and little boy (with another little boy on the way) in Rogers and grandparents also in Rogers.  I also have a cousin, his wife and their two girls (with their first little boy on the way) that live in Rogers and an aunt and uncle that have lived primarily in Rogers, but a few years ago moved just over the state line into Missouri.  I still count them as living in Arkansas, despite their license plates being from The Show Me State.  There's also one of my closest friends from college who lives in Bentonville with her husband and kids.  In the middle of the state I have two more cousins, one of whom is married and expecting her first baby in a few months.  That's who I'm staying with tonight.  I've mentioned before that I'm blessed with lots of family that is close knit and enjoy being together.  It's been several months since I've seen Matt and Kia, so it's great to catch up.  This picture isn't terribly current, but it will help you put a face with a name.  That's Kia in the middle and her sister Kyndall (the other cousin from central Arkansas) is on the right.

I look forward to furthering my journey tomorrow.  My personal journey to overcome my fear of the unknown and to embrace change as adventure.  I've got the roots...it's time to sprout wings.

A new path

Tomorrow morning at 8:30 will mark one week since I submitted my resignation from my current reading specialist position.  It was not a decision made lightly or easily.  I have a lot invested in that elementary school and the reading program there.  I have days of happiness for the new journey ahead, days of sadness for the program I'll leave behind and days questioning whether or not I made the right choice.

I've told you before that I admire my siblings for the paths they've chosen and that I believe they are in professions tailored to their personalities.  I wonder at times if I'm tailored to teach.  I've wondered if I should explore other professions, or expand my current profession.  Should I have been a speech pathologist?  Should I have been a school psychologist?  Should I have stayed in the classroom rather than specializing in reading?  I imagine everyone goes through phases in life wondering if they made the right choices.  Through all of the questions, however, I am dedicated and passionate about what I do.  I also possess a work ethic that allows me to be successful.

Many times in the last few years I've wondered what signs everyone else saw that I missed.  I often want to ask where were the stops that offered marriage and family?  I missed those.  Where did you find that confidence and self-assurance?  I must have been absent the day those were handed out.  How did you learn so much about __________ (fill-in-the-blank)?  That wasn't in my course of study.  If you had asked me in high school or college where I would be in ten years I would not have pictured this.  That's not bad necessarily -- if I could predict the future I would have a totally different line of work -- but it does cause me to be reflective and pensive.  I've wondered many times over the years how I ended up where I am, but in my new efforts to view life as a journey, I've decided I've not ended up anywhere, I've just stopped over for a while and now it's time to move on.

Fifty Nifty United States

Fifty Nifty United States from thirteen original colonies;

Fifty Nifty stars on the flag that billows so beautifully in the breeze.

Each individual state contributes a quality that's great.

Each individual state deserves a bow, We salute them now.

Fifty Nifty United States from thirteen original colonies

Shout 'em, scout 'em, tell all about 'em

One by one, til we've given a name

to every state in the USA.

I first learned this song in Mrs. Benson's fourth grade music class at Kennedy Elementary in Norman, OK.  I'd forgotten the words to the verses but the list of states in alphabetical order is how I've always remembered all of the states.  While social studies isn't something that I teach (nor is music) I don't have opportunities to sing this song with my students, but it's certainly a fun one!

Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, ARKANSAS, California, COLORADO, Connecticut

I've lived in Alabama and Arkansas and have fallen in love with Colorado.  I spoke at a conference in Arkansas...twice.  I originally got my teaching license in the state of Arkansas when I graduated from Harding University in Searcy.

Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana

Chicago is a very fun city!  I've been there a handful of times and every trip is different...kind of like my trips to New York.  I spoke at a conference in Chicago a few years ago.

Iowa, KANSAS, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine

Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan

My favorite vacation of all time was to Boston, Massachusetts...I will go back some day.  I've not yet been to Hawaii.  I've love the history packed east coast which includes my time in Maryland...although that's somewhere else I'll return some day.  There's no place like home...says Dorothy of Kansas.  There's no place like the deep south either!

Minnesota, Mississippi, MISSOURI, MONTANA, 

Nebraska, NEVADA,

I have lots of exploring left to do in Missouri.  Despite the fact that I've been there several times, I've not been to St. Louis or Kansas City.  One of my favorite memories from college is a spontaneous road trip I took with my friend Fawnda when she went home to Missouri.  She was driving out of our dorm parking lot and as she passed me she rolled her window down and asked if I had plans for the weekend.  As it turns out I didn't, so I tossed a few things in a bag and off we went to her hometown of Springfield, Missouri.  I also had my one and only Lambert's experience on that trip...The Only Home of Throwed Rolls.

New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, NEW YORK,

NORTH CAROLINA, North Dakota, Ohio

There are no short or concise words to describe New York and I'm well aware that New York City isn't indicative of the rest of the state.  I've been to Niagara Falls, NY and Buffalo NY in addition to my trips to Manhattan.  Jay-Z and Alicia Keys song Empire State of Mind and Frank Sinatra's New York are both fun and inspiring songs.

OKLAHOMA, Oregon, Pennsylvania, 

Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota,

TENNESSEE, Texas

I've lived most of my life in Oklahoma...Norman, Tulsa and now Stillwater.  I've also made several trips to both Tennessee and Texas to either see family and friends or just to vacation.  I've been to Oregon once, to Portland for a conference.  

UTAH, Vermont, VIRGINIA, Washington,

West Virginia, Wisconsin, WYOMING!

That's fifty!  If you've made it this far you're probably wondering why there are some in red and some in blue. They are in two colors because for me they are in two groups...states I have applied for jobs in and states I'm still looking at.  If the state's name is in blue, I have applied for a teaching position, am in the process of applying for a teaching position, or I've applied for a teaching license in that state for next school year.  That would be my one-a-day.  

I originally set a goal of completing one application every day.  One job application completed each day in search of a new position for next school year.  What I quickly discovered was that the applications are not only lengthy, but also require digital copies of documents I only had hard copies of (certification test scores, transcripts, etc.).  I'm doing better with my modified goal of doing at least one thing every day to find a new job.  Sometimes that's talking to a contact, e-mailing a reference, checking the list of websites that I've designated for daily visits, things like that.  Now that I've done some of the preliminary work I should be able to increase my volume of applications and get back to my original goal of one application completed a day.

My journey is most certainly changing...I'm nervous, but yet excited for the new possibilities!

Cheaters never prosper....

Most of the time I want this statement to be true.  No one wants cheaters to win!  If they win while cheating can you really say they won?  I often want this statement to be true...unless it applies to me and my one-a-days.  Somewhere during my chaos today I decided to change my working definition of my one-a-day and go with a new definition.  When I first committed to doing one-a-day my goal was to complete that something.  Start to finish, every item, complete it.  After last week when I didn't complete any of my one-a-days I've been feeling like a total failure.  So in an effort to have a glass half full attitude, I've decided to change my definition of one-a-day.  Is that cheating??  If I change the definition to make myself more successful does that make me a cheater?  I'm hoping not.  I'm hoping it makes me and my one-a-day process a work in progress.

My new definition...instead of completing my one-a-day I want to do one thing that will get me closer to my one-a-day.  If I were to tell you what completing my one-a-day actually entails I would hope that your response would be...wow, that's a lofty goal to try to complete daily!  Because if that's what you told me I would most certainly NOT feel like a cheater by taking this easier road.

It won't be much longer before I reveal what my one-a-day is...I'm probably a little delusional to think that I have curious readers that are on the edge of their seats waiting to hear what exactly it is that I'm up to.  Secretly though...I'm hoping you're interested.

I Wish

I wish I were an athlete who could sweat out all the stress
I wish I were a painter who could empty pain into a scene
I wish I were a musician who could translate sadness into song

I wish I were a gardener who could coax happiness from flowers
I wish I were a singer who could bring smiles with a tune
I wish I were a sailor who could spend tranquil days at sea

But alas I am just me

21

The natural number that follows 20 and precedes 22.  The age at which you can legally purchase alcohol.  The retired jersey number of baseball player Roberto Clemente.  The goal of a blackjack game.  The title of Adele's second album.  A 2008 movie about card counters who won millions in Vegas.  There are lots of meanings for the number 21.  I also heard at one time that 21 is the number of consecutive times that you have to do something before it will become a habit.  Exercising 21 days in a row will make exercising a habit.  Reading for an hour a day for 21 days will make reading a habit.  Presumably completing my one-a-day for 21 consecutive days would therefore make it a habit.  I won't know that for a while, because like all goals that I set, I've failed.  I told you I don't set goals and this is exactly why.  I haven't done my one-a-day in close to a week.

I would venture to say that 21 is also the number of crying jags I've had in the last three days.  That's not a conservative or exaggerated number, it is what it is.  I never used to be a crier.  I've always been very good at masking or covering my emotions.  The older I get the less that is true.  I'm not yet ready to reveal in this forum, the reason for the tears or sadness, but suffice it to say they are from a very real place.

It hasn't been a good week.  I would love to tell you that I'm doing better with my attempts at becoming a glass half full personality, but that's not true.  I'm sticking with my half-empty (or in my current case completely dry) perspective.  What I'd like is to keep to myself and re-cooperate.  Pull myself together, get back on track with my one-a-days, do the laundry that's out of control, clean my house that is also out of control, get the things done at work that need to be done so that I can start the week without being too behind...but none of those things are going to happen.  As soon as I finish this post, I'll be getting ready to go out of town.  As is typical for my family we're getting together for the holiday.  I am blessed to have a family that is supportive and caring.  With a few exceptions, everyone lives pretty close together, so getting together for holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and the like are common.

Given my surly and negative attitude right now, I should probably avoid people.  Those close enough to me to have been bitten know that me being in a bad mood generally translates into snapping at people.  It's not intentional...I don't wake up wondering who I should bite that day...but I know myself well enough to know that controlling my snapping will mean not talking...If you can't say something nice you shouldn't say anything at all, right?  My not talking however will I'm certainly be interpreted as something else I don't intend.  Remember how I said in my initial blog post that I often feel misunderstood...well here you go.

I am thankful, grateful and blessed to have family and friends that are interested in my well-being and do what they can to be supportive and encouraging.  I pray that they know my cantankerous disposition has nothing to do with their attempts to support or encourage.  I am grateful even if I don't appropriately show it in the moment.

My prayer today is a Prayer for Hope...

Heavenly Father, I am your humble servant
I come before you today in need of hope.
There are times when I feel helpless,
There are times when I feel weak.

I pray for hope.
I need hope for a better future.
I need hope for a better life.
I need hope for love and kindness.

Some say that the sky is at it's
darkest just before the light.
I pray that this is true, for all seems dark.
I need your light, Lord, in every way.

I pray to be filled with your light from
head to toe. To bask in your glory.
To know that all is right in the world,
as you have planned, and as you want it to be.

Help me walk in your light, and live
my life in faith and glory.

In Your name I pray, Amen


Taken from www.prayers-for-special-help.com

Goin' to Guatemala!!

La Antigua to be exact, the perfect position came open, the invitation was extended, conversations took place and the decision was relatively easy to make!  In just under a month, my brother will be jetting off once again.  You didn't think I was talking about myself did you?  I may have gained some perspective and tolerance for adventure, but that's what you call biting off more than you can chew!  No, no...I'm not going to Guatemala, my brother however has taken a position teaching English and will be moving there for at least six months.

When he called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me that he was talking to a school there, I told him how proud I was of him for pursuing it.  I also told him that I've been inspired by him and my sister for the courage and confidence that they have demonstrated by daring to venture into exotic or challenging locations to pursue their dreams.  In the last two years Ryan has lived in two Spanish speaking countries to pursue his love of travel and teaching.  Last year my sister, Kayla moved to New York City to pursue her career in the fashion world.  They are both in professions that are tailor made for them.  I have many memories from our childhood that looking back now were windows into their future.

This picture was taken just before Christmas last year.  Ryan and Kayla are in the middle, my youngest brother Justin is in the front.  I am so incredibly proud of all of them.  I enjoy watching them grow and evolve into amazing adults.  I wish I had their confidence.  I wish I had their courage.  I wish I had the self-assurance that allows them to follow their heart and dreams.  I'm very comfortable staying in a box rather than stepping outside of it.  Although I've decided recently that my box is either falling apart or damaged because it's impossible for me to stay in it any longer.

Stepping outside of my box has become my personal mission.  Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, welcoming the fear that means something exciting might happen, and learning to recognize the difference between an adrenaline rush and sheer panic.  There is are too many opportunities in the world and around the country for me to live scared.  Stepping out is definitely scary, but I've also decided that in my circumstance not stepping out is cowardly.