It's been a while since I've written. I told myself when I started this blog, that my first goal was to write something worth reading. I've fallen into a rhythm with my job in the last couple of weeks, which doesn't lend itself to interesting blog posts, so I've refrained from writing. Today however, I went to the eye doctor for another check up and thought I should update you about my continuing vision issues.
First I should tell you, if I haven't already, that I love my eye doctor. He is incredibly thorough, goes above and beyond (often calling me at home on weekends just to see how I'm doing) and doesn't hesitate to refer to me to someone else if he runs into something he can't solve. This isn't the first time that he's referred me to someone else, but it is the first time that the referral is due to severity of condition.
They did a basic eye screening today and again he attempted to refract with lenses to give me clear vision. Like the last ever how many visits I've had (I've lost count at this point) he was unable to find a strong enough lens. Without glasses and covering my left eye, I cannot read the top line of letters on the chart. With the strongest lens he can put in front of my right eye, I can read the top line, but the letters are not clear. He said right now I'm testing around 20/40 and 20/50, but again, nothing is clear.
It is taking increasingly more effort for me to focus to see. Seeing or reading at a distance is a bigger problem than up close. The amount of light can cause difficulty too. It's better right now if I don't drive at night, which I discovered a couple of weeks ago when I drove home from Tulsa, completely in the dark, and had a horrible headache by the time I got home. After working to see and focus, I almost always have a headache and recently I've begun having a swollen or throbbing sensation in my right eye. When I explained these symptoms to my doctor today he said the throbbing and swollen feeling is due to overworking my eye muscles. It's probably not actually swollen, but it is overworked and therefore feels that way.
The new theory is that I have a pseudo-tumor on my optic nerve. A pseudo-tumor in that area is caused by a lack of pressure of the cerebral spinal fluid in my brain. He said the optic nerve itself does not look inflamed but that the fiber is very thick. A problem with spinal fluid pressure would not show up on an MRI. Based on this information and all of the other tests that I've been through to this point, my doctor predicts that when I go to the Dean McGee Eye Institute in three and a half weeks they will do a spinal tap to assess the pressure situation. Certainly what actually happens when I go to Dean McGee will be up to the doctor there, but this is theory that makes the most sense at this point given the pieces of the puzzle that I currently have.
When I texted some of my family members and close friends this morning after the appointment several of them asked me how I felt about this new possibility. My response was that I'm mostly sad. While I should probably be pleased that I have a direction to go and some possible treatment options on the horizon, it's difficult to hear the words, tumor and brain in the same sentence pertaining to you...even if it is pseudo. I know that part of my reaction of tears this morning came from the fact that it's been an exhausting week, and I was already on the verge. A tough conversation with my doctor just pushed me over the edge. For the next three weeks, I'll limit my night time driving, take more breaks from concentrated efforts to see and continue to take Tylenol regularly to control the nagging headache that's constantly there. I'll find my balance again and be thankful for the "it's not as bad as it could be" situation later, but that's not where I am today.
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