Wait...I think I've been here before...

In March of 2012 I began this blog.  I mentioned in the first post that I'm not much of a blogger, but that I would try my hand at it.  Now reading through those posts and watching how much my life has changed has been fabulous.  As I read back through some of my posts, I wondered...who wrote that?  She's someone I want to know.  And...oh mercy did I really write that?  I've stopped and started my regular blogging over the last four years.  Today, I'm getting back to publishing my journey.

It's virtually impossible to sum up the last two years in a few words and catch you up on where I've been and where life's journey has taken me.  I'm sure as I begin writing again, I'll find instances where I can share some of those lost stories.  For now, I'll just pick up where I'm at.

I've recently been reflecting on the cyclical nature of life.  If you're anything like me, you keep coming back to the same places and the same challenges, and if you're lucky you've learned something in the interim that will be helpful this time around.  I'm not sure how much I've learned in the interim, but I'm back in a place where I'm faced with the need to get serious about my health, specifically my weight.

I don't know that I've ever been skinny....high school perhaps (at least according to my various dance pictures), but certainly not since college.  Anyone who battles weight issues knows that it is a constant battle.  Mostly it's a battle in which I wave a white flag.  Quite some time ago I began associating weight loss with salad.  If you want to lose weight....eat salad.  Need to drop some inches....celery and lettuce for you.  Want to know a secret?  I don't like salad.  The occasional tossed salad as a side to my meal, okay....but tossed salad for the whole meal?  I'm not a fan.  I've tried various weight loss plans (that don't include transforming into a rabbit) with varying degrees of success.  In fact I imagine if you were to go back through the 90 posts of this blog, you'll find more than one related to my weight battle and the plan I was trying at the time.  It's a battle I try every now and then, when that cycle of life comes back around.  Well guess what....it's here again.  I've been here before...this trying to lose weight business is not for sissies!

In the last year, four months and five days I've gained a significant amount of weight.  I can't tell you how many pounds because I don't know, I just know that it's a significant amount.  I know that it was one year, four months and five days ago, because that's the day my youngest brother passed away.  That was the day that taking care of me took a backseat to anything else.  I've never been good at taking care of myself, and grief magnified that weakness tremendously.  I'll write more about my grief journey another time....for now it's important to acknowledge that for me to make an effort in managing my weight, what I am really embarking on is a journey to take care of me.

It starts with a mindset and a stick-to-it-ness that I've so far not displayed in this particular cycle of life.  I've been here before, I recognize the signs and hopefully this time I know more than I did before.  This time I'm focusing on cooking instead of eating out, meal planning a week at a time, multiple trips to the grocery store in a week and a massive reduction in carbs.  I'm pretty sure I've said those things before too....hmmm....

I would love to tell you that I'm super excited about this new path and that I can't wait to do this, but the reality is that I'm doing it reluctantly.  Knowing I need to lose weight and actually wanting to eat the foods that will facilitate losing weight are two totally different things.  I'm sure this journey will include some culinary hilarity, me in the kitchen usually does.  Tonight, however, I managed to successfully make honey garlic shrimp with rice.  Did you know that if you place marinated pieces of shrimp in the pan one at a time, that the first one will be ready to flip before you get the last one in the pan?  Yeah, learned that tonight...next time I'm just dumping the shrimp in there, this placing them to ensure they cook evenly is for the birds.  My mark of success?  Aside from the fact that it was edible, it turned out just like the food bloggers picture!  Score one for me!

Thank you for joining me on my journey.  If this is your first stop with me, welcome.  I can't guarantee I'll write consistently, or that it will always entertain or tug at your heartstrings, but I can guarantee it will be honest.  I tend to live out loud through this blog, thank you for reading.