Wait...I think I've been here before...

In March of 2012 I began this blog.  I mentioned in the first post that I'm not much of a blogger, but that I would try my hand at it.  Now reading through those posts and watching how much my life has changed has been fabulous.  As I read back through some of my posts, I wondered...who wrote that?  She's someone I want to know.  And...oh mercy did I really write that?  I've stopped and started my regular blogging over the last four years.  Today, I'm getting back to publishing my journey.

It's virtually impossible to sum up the last two years in a few words and catch you up on where I've been and where life's journey has taken me.  I'm sure as I begin writing again, I'll find instances where I can share some of those lost stories.  For now, I'll just pick up where I'm at.

I've recently been reflecting on the cyclical nature of life.  If you're anything like me, you keep coming back to the same places and the same challenges, and if you're lucky you've learned something in the interim that will be helpful this time around.  I'm not sure how much I've learned in the interim, but I'm back in a place where I'm faced with the need to get serious about my health, specifically my weight.

I don't know that I've ever been skinny....high school perhaps (at least according to my various dance pictures), but certainly not since college.  Anyone who battles weight issues knows that it is a constant battle.  Mostly it's a battle in which I wave a white flag.  Quite some time ago I began associating weight loss with salad.  If you want to lose weight....eat salad.  Need to drop some inches....celery and lettuce for you.  Want to know a secret?  I don't like salad.  The occasional tossed salad as a side to my meal, okay....but tossed salad for the whole meal?  I'm not a fan.  I've tried various weight loss plans (that don't include transforming into a rabbit) with varying degrees of success.  In fact I imagine if you were to go back through the 90 posts of this blog, you'll find more than one related to my weight battle and the plan I was trying at the time.  It's a battle I try every now and then, when that cycle of life comes back around.  Well guess what....it's here again.  I've been here before...this trying to lose weight business is not for sissies!

In the last year, four months and five days I've gained a significant amount of weight.  I can't tell you how many pounds because I don't know, I just know that it's a significant amount.  I know that it was one year, four months and five days ago, because that's the day my youngest brother passed away.  That was the day that taking care of me took a backseat to anything else.  I've never been good at taking care of myself, and grief magnified that weakness tremendously.  I'll write more about my grief journey another time....for now it's important to acknowledge that for me to make an effort in managing my weight, what I am really embarking on is a journey to take care of me.

It starts with a mindset and a stick-to-it-ness that I've so far not displayed in this particular cycle of life.  I've been here before, I recognize the signs and hopefully this time I know more than I did before.  This time I'm focusing on cooking instead of eating out, meal planning a week at a time, multiple trips to the grocery store in a week and a massive reduction in carbs.  I'm pretty sure I've said those things before too....hmmm....

I would love to tell you that I'm super excited about this new path and that I can't wait to do this, but the reality is that I'm doing it reluctantly.  Knowing I need to lose weight and actually wanting to eat the foods that will facilitate losing weight are two totally different things.  I'm sure this journey will include some culinary hilarity, me in the kitchen usually does.  Tonight, however, I managed to successfully make honey garlic shrimp with rice.  Did you know that if you place marinated pieces of shrimp in the pan one at a time, that the first one will be ready to flip before you get the last one in the pan?  Yeah, learned that tonight...next time I'm just dumping the shrimp in there, this placing them to ensure they cook evenly is for the birds.  My mark of success?  Aside from the fact that it was edible, it turned out just like the food bloggers picture!  Score one for me!

Thank you for joining me on my journey.  If this is your first stop with me, welcome.  I can't guarantee I'll write consistently, or that it will always entertain or tug at your heartstrings, but I can guarantee it will be honest.  I tend to live out loud through this blog, thank you for reading.

Writing in the Margins

It is rare for me to write in the margins of books.  I will crack the spine and dog ear the pages when I can't find a bookmark, but I don't write in the margins.  The exception to that rule is my Bible.

The dedication page just inside the front cover was filled in by my mother.  My Bible was a gift for Christmas in 1992, making it twenty two years old.  Over the course of these twenty two years, I've written many notes in the margins.  This is the Bible I took to camps, on mission trips, taught from during my internships and carried to class at Harding.  Many people have their own story of their Bible I'm sure.

I take my Bible to church with me each Sunday.  I prefer to read along in my text so that I can underline and make notes, rather than just watching the screen.  What I've noticed in recent weeks is that the notes I've made in the margins are contributing to deepening my thoughts and understanding now.  I read the comments I've written before, consider what I'm presently listening to and I become a better student.

Today's sermon was from I John.  One of the notes in my margin says "Bottle Illustration."  You see, not only is my Bible with notes in the margin an assist to me as a student, it also serves as a time capsule.  As I sat in the pew this morning, I began pulling papers out of the front cover of my case so that I could find my bottle illustration.  Behind cards, bulletins, sermon notes, and remembrance brochures, I found this...

If you can't read my fourteen year old handwriting, it says, "Kristen Jones, Quartz Mtn Christian Camp 1993, July 4-9, Theme:  I John "Love"."  There are more notes on the back of this drawing that further explain the lesson.  Among other papers in the cover of my Bible is a directory of sorts of all of those that were in attendance at that camp, that we all signed like a yearbook.  Priceless memories.  That was the last camp I attended with those friends, my family moved that fall and I made new friends and stored new papers.

As I'm sure everyone does, I appreciate these things more now that I'm older.  I'm able to see the most frequently studied sections of my Bible, the lessons I've learned and the memories I've stored, all through the writing in the margins.

Notable Differences

Today I finished my second day as an Enid Public Schools Instructional Coach.  I am learning the ins and outs of how the district works.  I'm learning their procedures, curriculum, resources, data, etc.  There's a lot to learn.  So far this has been a relatively smooth transition.  I didn't have to move.  I knew the people I interviewed with, who are now my supervisors.  I had visited the room that will now house my office and I have a working relationship already with two of my new team members.

There are some very notable differences however between what I've done for the last two years and what I'll be doing going forward.  Here's a short list:

• No travel:  For the last two years I've left town at least four out of five days a week and spent the night away from home an average of seven nights a month.  That will no longer be the case.  I now live in the city where I work.
• Set hours:  For the last two years my hours from day to have have varied to some degree.  I worked eight-twelve hour days, but those eight hours might be 12:00-8:00 p.m. if I was doing evening meetings or training.  That will no longer be the case.  My hours are set.  During the school year I'll work from 7:45-3:45.  As always happens with school teachers, there will be after school meetings and such that will occasionally cause me to work late, but generally speaking, I will now have a solid routine.
• Fewer schools:  Probably one of the most notable differences between the two jobs are the number of schools and districts I serve.  For the last two years I was assigned to work with 22 districts, which translated into more than 50 sites with whom I had contact.  I now work for one district and will have contact with no more than 15 sites, but will focus on fewer than that.

With professional changes, there come personal changes.  What do I mean?  Here's another short list:

• No travel = Less mileage:  Less mileage translates to fewer fill-ups at the gas station, fewer oil changes (I have been having my oil changed every six weeks), and fewer tires to purchase (I've replaced or repaired six tires in two years).
• No travel = More groceries:  My grocery list has been rather short over the last couple of years, especially if I knew I was going to be in and out of town a bunch.  I can't buy a lot of perishable foods and then leave town.  I ate out A LOT in my time on the road.  Not healthy of course, but certainly easier.
• Set hours = New routines:  With a new schedule that includes more permanent hours, I need new routines.  Routines such as eating breakfast at home instead of taking it in the car (my time in the car isn't long enough to eat breakfast while driving anymore) or going to bed earlier so that I can be sure to be out the door by 7:30 every morning.  Those mornings haven't happened regularly enough for me to have an early bedtime.
• Fewer schools = More ME time:  With fewer people to respond to or provide for, I have a lot more time for myself.  I have time to read, organize my house, keep up with my laundry, improve my culinary skills...the possibilities are endless!

One of my favorite TV shows is Criminal Minds.  There is an episode in season three in which FBI Agent Aaron Hotchner and his wife Haley are arguing about his job.  She doesn't want him to join the team on a case in Milwaukee, but he is determined to go.  He says, "This is who I am."  She says, "No, this is what you do."  I find myself walking that line often.  Where is my job "what I do" and where is it "who I am"?  When I let my job become all of who I am, I miss out on other parts of life that weren't meant to be missed.  On the other hand, my job means more to me than just being something I do from 8-5...or 7:45-3:45 as it were.

It takes a lot of work to achieve a balance.  I'm not always motivated to put the work in, it's easier for me to hide in my work than it is to face personal challenges.  With all of the other changes going on however, this seems to be as good a time as any to make a concerted effort to define the difference between who I am and what I do...just one more notable difference.

Casseroles, Deviled Eggs and Banana Pudding

I'm not sure there is anyone who does potlucks better than church families.  If you've grown up going to church potlucks you know they always include casseroles, deviled eggs and banana pudding.  There's a rule book somewhere I'm sure that lists those as staple items for potlucks.

Today I participated in a potluck at my church.  I took a dish of course, I always do, but if you've seen my many culinary crises on facebook, you know that cooking is not my strength.  I also haven't figured out how to take something hot.  Sounds stupid right?  I'm serious though!  I don't know how to take a hot casserole to meal that won't be eaten for a while.  Do I cook it first and take it hot, so that it's lukewarm (if not cool) by the time we eat it?  Do I take it made, but not cooked and borrow oven space at church?  Crockpot stuff I could do, but a baked casserole requires logistics.  I know...I make things too difficult.  

I don't own a deviled egg holder; necessary if that's going to be your potluck contribution.  I prefer to take something that I don't mind coming home with, which means I don't take dessert.  If I come home with dessert, I eat the dessert...by myself.  Today I took raw veggies and ranch dip.  It being summer, I thought that was a good choice.  I didn't have to worry about hot food getting cold, cooking at church or coming home with a bunch of calories.

While potlucks are known for great food, the purpose of course is to fellowship with others.  It's an opportunity to share a meal and conversation with, in this case, other church members.

As you all maybe aware, I've recently changed jobs.  I'm excited about the opportunities ahead of me, but there is a lot of uncertainty for me as well.  I'll save the details for another post, but I mention it here because that job change is part of what motivated me to stay for the potluck.  Weird connection, I know, but it makes sense...

For the first time since I've lived alone as an adult, I will be living and working in the same city.  The relationships I've built in the last two years, for the most part, are people who do not live in Enid.  While I very much value those relationships and I'll be doing my best to maintain many of them, the byproduct is that I don't really have many solid connections here.  I've lived here for two years and I have definitely developed acquaintances and the beginnings of friendships, but I haven't been in town enough to build solid relationships.  That is getting ready to change dramatically.  I will no longer travel.  With the exception of occasional weekends to visit family, I will be in town.  It's time that I build some relationships.  

I read an article recently that discussed the characteristic of humans as social animals.  Frankly put, we need social interaction to keep us sane.  It is no secret that am an introvert and social situations are very difficult for me, but I need social interaction to keep me sane.  I need it to help me be happy and healthy.  

Today that social interaction came because of casseroles, deviled eggs and banana pudding.

Celebrating the Small Steps

This is the time of year when goals are set for the coming year.  We decide on resolutions that will improve our lives, make us happier or bring us joy.  I've never been good at goal setting because I rarely achieve my goals.  Lately though I've decided to embrace the belief that trying matters.  My efforts have to count for something right?  I may not reach the goals that I set, but surely the steps I take and the efforts I make in the direction of those goals matter.  Celebrating the steps is important.  I'm going to be happy with celebrating the steps.

So in that spirit here are some of the things I'm going to try to do this year:

• Find a better balance between my work and personal life.
• Work towards a healthier lifestyle in my food and exercise choices.
• Cook more often than I eat out.
• Write in my journal more often.
• Blog more consistently.
• Maintain a more organized home.

I won't find a perfect balance.  I won't lose all of the pounds I'd like to lose or become a regular gym rat.  I will miss days in my journal and will likely have days and weeks between blog posts.  Acknowledging all of this from the start however, allows me to celebrate the things that I will accomplish.  

Close to two years ago I entitled this blog "It's All About the Journey" because I wanted to embrace life as a journey rather than destination.  It only makes sense that I would apply the same thinking to goal setting.  

Here's to a great 2014!  Happy New Year!

Square Peg, Round Hole

Have you ever felt like that a square peg trying to fit in a round hole?  You know that odd man out that doesn't fit into something regardless of how much you might want to?  I've felt that way a lot lately.  I don't really feel like I belong anywhere.  I have a friend who tells me often that she lives on an island.  I do too, just not the same one.  Sometimes I will try to force a fit, but that rarely works out well.  Lately I'm just trying to get comfortable with it.

Vacation Phase II: Texas

I discovered last March how much I enjoy road trips, so this summer when I had an opportunity to take a road trip through Texas I couldn't wait.  I am the only member of my immediate family that hasn't lived in Texas for some portion of my life.  My parents both lived there during childhood, in Amarillo and Irving.  My dad was born in Amarillo.  My sister lived in Dallas for a few years while working for Dillards.  My brother, Ryan went to college in Abilene.  My youngest brother, Justin was born in Fort Worth and lived there for the first month or so of his life.  I, on the other hand, have never lived there.  Like Arkansas, I have a lot of family in Texas, so I've been to and through the state visiting them, but not using the lens of a tourist.  I decided to be a tourist on this trip.

Dallas
I started my trip in Dallas, well Aubrey to be exact.  One of my mom's sisters and her family live in Aubrey which is a small town outside of Denton.  I made it to town last Monday in time to see my fifteen year old twin cousins play basketball.  They were so much fun to watch!  They are very talented!  On Tuesday they went with me to the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum.  We had so much fun.  There was a lot to see and the facility is state of the art.  It definitely sets a new standard for additional presidential libraries to be built.  When I visited the Eisenhower library last year I bought a passport to presidential libraries (yes I know I'm a nerd).  I was able to get it stamped during our visit.

After the library we had lunch in downtown Dallas before going to the 6th Floor Museum.  The 6th floor of the Texas School Book Depository building is where Lee Harvey Oswald was standing when he shot President Kennedy.  The museum is full of artifacts and videos dedicated to that moment in history.  After touring the museum we went to Dealey Plaza which is just outside the building.  The grounds are beautifully kept and offer a peaceful setting in the midst of a bustling downtown.

Austin:

When I originally was planning my time in Texas, I had thought that I would spend a majority of my time in Austin.  What I discovered however, was that many of the things advertised as "top attractions" in Austin are not things I wanted to do alone.  Austin is known for nightlife and the music scene.  I would love to experience those parts of Austin, but didn't want to go it alone.  I decided instead that I would lengthen my time in Dallas and shorten my time in Austin to just the LBJ Presidential Library.

The LBJ Library was my fifth presidential library to visit, and yes, I got a stamp.  There were three floors of exhibits at this library.  I always learn so much by visiting these places.  Going to the LBJ Library just after going through the 6th Floor Museum made for a seamless look at an important part of our history.  I really enjoyed it!

Houston:

The purpose for my trek through Texas was to ultimately get to the Houston area for my cousin Whitney's wedding.  My aunt and uncle actually live in Magnolia which is about 35 miles north of downtown Houston.  I don't have any wedding pictures, my mom and sister have those, so I'll have to share them later.  Thursday evening we enjoyed a rehearsal dinner of Texas barbecue.  Friday my parents and I drove into Houston to pick Kayla up from the airport.  We came back to Magnolia where we met my Mamaw and my aunt Pam for lunch.  We had time that afternoon before we needed to leave for the wedding, so mom, Kayla and I went swimming.  Well....that's actually probably not fair.  We didn't go swimming, we got in the water.  It was SUPER cold!!  It took forever to get used to, so we just water walked and chatted.  My aunt Pam came and joined us too.  We had a good visit.

The wedding Friday night was beautiful.  It was held at an outdoor venue that was simply gorgeous.  The only rough part was the heat, it was 102 when the ceremony started.  The area was pretty shaded though and the ceremony only lasted about 30 minutes.  The whole thing was fantastic.  We then went inside for a reception that was tons of fun.  I'll have to post pics when I have them.

Saturday we didn't have any major plans so mom, dad, Kayla and I went to a Houston Astros game.  Since one of my goals is to visit every major league ballpark, this game got me one park closer!  The Astros play at Minute Maid Ballpark which is a building with a retractable roof.  I had never been in a dome before, nor had I ever sat behind home plate.  Granted we were way up high, but we were directly behind home plate.  It was a completely different game experience!  I had so much fun spending the afternoon with my family.

We finished our time together with an evening of visiting at my aunt and uncle's house.  They were both so tired from all of the wedding festivities, but they graciously invited us over for the evening to eat and chat.  It was so nice to visit with them.  We just don't get to see them enough!

Home Again:

Today I drove home.  I made four very brief stops, but otherwise just kept moving.  I made it home in exactly eight hours.  I'm tired tonight, but I'm not so exhausted I can't function.  I'm ready to go back to work tomorrow.  I needed the break that I took and I'm looking forward to the start of my next school year, which really kind of starts tomorrow!

It was a great vacation -- now back to reality!